Put one foot in front of the other

Hello!
I'm finally feeling well enough to sit at my computer for a little while, thanks be to God!

My first week home is over.  Yesterday I finally got to eat "solid" food.  For breakfast I had runny Cream of Wheat, for lunch I had low fat cottage cheese, and for dinner I had loose mashed potatoes with chicken broth.  It was awesome, even though I was only able to eat about a teaspoon at a time.  I'm told that I'll be working up to about 2 tablespoons eventually.

On the pastor side, I have a wonderful retired pastor covering for me for a few weeks, however, I want to be kept in the loop with serious issues in the congregation.  During my first week after surgery, two congregation members suddenly took bad turns in their health to the point that there may be a funeral before I go back to work.  I told my secretary to refer all calls to my back up, but to email me about the situation.  Also, my back up calls me and keeps me up to date as well.

All of this was a little tough during my first week at home.  First, it was difficult for me to think about or concentrate.  Second, there was a feeling of guilt, because I wasn't there for them.  In the beginning of the week, when I was dealing with trial and error regarding food, I was filled with self doubt.  Had I been selfish taking this time away, getting this surgery, wondering if I really needed it or not.  Then two congregation members at once, and there's nothing that I can do.  Feeling as if I've let them down.

Today, I'm feeling better.  I walk around the house every 2 hours for exercise, and I'm taking lots of vitamins and eating properly.  I still worry about my congregation members, but now I know that I could be there (at a funeral), if not leading worship, should things progress quickly.  This brings me some comfort.

I'm trying to take one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other.  This made me think of the song from the Christmas cartoon movie, Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  It was a favorite of mine when I was a kid.  Young Kris Kringle is sharing his plan with the Winter Warlock, trying to turn him from mean to nice.  Kris sings, "Put One Foot in Front of the Other" telling Winter that it may be a difficult journey, but he can do it, one step at a time.  My journey image of Pinocchio also experienced such difficulties, pushing the boundaries, getting distracted from the tasks at hand, and falling in with the wrong crowd.  It took many steps for him to get to the end of his journey toward being a really boy.

I've been blessed to receive many cards from congregation members wishing me good health and a speedy recovery.  In one card was written, "Good Luck - Think Slim."  It made me smile, yet I know that luck has nothing to do with this journey and getting "slim" isn't the primary purpose either.  The primary purpose to be as healthy as I can be and to live a longer life.

I find comfort today in the 23rd Psalm (ELW)

The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not be in want.

The Lord makes me lie down

in green pastures

and leads me beside still waters.

You restore my soul, O Lord,

and guide me along right pathways

for your name's sake.

Though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I shall fear no evil

for you are with me,

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies

You anoint my head with oil

and my cup is running over.

Surely goodness and mercy

shall follow me

all the days of my life

and I will dwell

in the house of the Lord forever.

 

I can imagine the still waters and green pastures, and I know that the Lord brings my congregation members comfort and care, just as I am comforted.  I trust in the Lord to guide me and know that I'm not alone during dark times, trials, and distractions.  My shepherd is guiding me one step at a time.

 

Thanks for following my journey and keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.

Pastor Deb

Just an update!

 Just sending you all a quick update. I came back home a little bit late, because of some complications. Without going into any details, I'm OK, and  I'm home. Since I've been back, I've been trying to figure out how much "food" I can eat at a time. Unfortunately, the first day or two I guessed wrong, so I was very uncomfortable.   Today, I've been trying to limit my intake  to announce or two every 10 minutes or so.   I'm only allowed to have fluids this week,  including broth, Popsicles, and Jell-O. Every single  ounce counts, and as the nurse said listen to my "pouch", which is what I have now instead of the stomach.

I've been a little tired and felt a little weak. However, it's good to be home even if I can't even enjoy runny oatmeal or mashed potatoes until next week.

Thanks for your prayers and support. ☺️

Trials and Tribulations

A lot can happen in just a couple of days.  On Monday evening (less than 3 days to surgery) the doctor's office called to tell me that the insurance has been denied.  They wanted me to jump through some more hoops, and to wait, in which case, jumping the hoops they wanted could potentially cause me to be rejected for other reasons.  You might imagine what the last couple of days have been like. I've felt like evil (the insurance company?) has been lurking at every turn, trying to keep me from my surgery appointment (tomorrow!) and the joy of "new life", which I pray will come some time afterward. 

Without getting into financial details, after a lot of time on the phone with various people, and the constant support of my husband, I'm able to tell you that the surgery is happening.  However, the insurance company better lookout, because after I'm feeling better, they'll be getting a petition from me along with several strong letters.  I have a friend who's "in the know" about these things and she's going to help me.

I know that not everyone has the ability to move forward as I am, and I truly feel blessed and very grateful today.  Yesterday, the day was filled with tears, anger, and frustration.  In the midst of it all I received the daily reading from the ELCA (copied below).

​Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand therefore, and fasten the belt of truth around your waist, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. As shoes for your feet put on whatever will make you ready to proclaim the gospel of peace. With all of these, take the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  Ephesians 6:10-17 (NRSV)

 
My armor may very well be slippers and a warm blanket at the moment, but I am strong and I'm standing firm, putting my trust and my life in the Lord.

Progress in preparation is going well.  Today has been my third day of only liquids, but I'm feeling pretty much okay.  I'll be getting a call soon (after 6:30 PM this evening) to tell me what time surgery will be tomorrow and when to arrive.  After midnight - I'm not even allowed to have liquids, though I can have a sip of water for medication in the morning.  I'm praying that the weather will be good enough tomorrow for me and the surgical team to get to the hospital!

So, my friends, thank you for following me and thank you for your thoughts and prayers. 
My next post will be from the other side (of surgery).

Blessings
Pastor Deb

3 Days of Preparation

Recently I bought a few Christmas ornaments on sale.  One of them was Disney's Pinocchio.  It was a favorite of mine growing up.  Yesterday and today, I kept thinking about it, and decided that it would be the symbol of my journey.  Pinocchio started out tied down with the strings that
bound him, as I've been bound, with poor choices and bad habits, and wanting to be like everyone else, eating as they eat, doing what they do.  Pinocchio also wants to be like everyone else, he wants to be a real boy.

This Thursday, Jan 14th, my strings will be cut, and I will be charged with moving forward as I come home from surgery.  Like Pinocchio, I'm sure that I'll run into problems now and then, but I am grateful for the grace of God that goes with me.

Today, is the first of three preparation days.  I'm not allowed to eat anything and can only drink certain liquids:  Coffee, tea, cranberry or apple juice, plain Jell-O or broth, and popsicles.  I know it won't be easy, so I've decided to keep busy.  I'll be taking down the Christmas decorations, and preparing things for when I return from surgery.  On Tue/Wed I work all day, so hopefully the days will go swiftly.  Broth for lunch.  Oh boy!

Thank you all for your prayers.
Debbie

The Journey Begins

I'm beginning this blog to share my journey of self-care as a pastor in the Lutheran Church - ELCA .  To be honest, at 57 I haven't done very well in the area of self-care.  I'm overweight, which has contributed to several issues in my health,  Over the past year, I've heard, over and over, from my doctors, "If you'd just lose weight, this ____ would be better or might even go away."  Of course, I'd love to lose weight, however, I've been yo-yo dieting since I was 14 years old, loosing 10 and gaining 15, loosing 20 and gaining 40.  It's started to seem impossible to me.  My mother was 5'2" and about 300 pounds; she really didn't offer a good example for eating, exercise, or health in general.  Unfortunately, because of this, she passed away at age 65.  I'd like to live a lot longer.

As I’m writing this, I’m preparing for bariatric bypass surgery on 1/14/2016. To be honest, I’m filled with equal measures of excitement and anxiety, which I’m told is normal.  On one hand, I feel as if I'm perched on the precipice of something exciting.  After my husband's reaction to that statement was, "But, a precipice is a cliff!" :-)  I explained that I see it as standing on mountain top, with a wasteland of ill health and obesity behind me, and when I look ahead I see a beautiful green valley filled with new life.  It's a place where I can't wait to arrive.

Of course, before "new life", there is surgery, and "death" to the "old life".  After surgery, the real work begins, eating as directed and exercising as I'm able.  So, my plan is to share my journey with you in this blog... not toward getting skinny and looking great, but rather toward wellness and health.  As I lose weight, I hope to be able to exercise more, experience less pain and health issues, and have more energy for myself and my family, and my ministry at St. Stephen Lutheran Church in Syracuse, New York.

I hope that you'll keep me in your prayers, and perhaps even find motivation in my journey to take one of your own.  Blessings to you and thanks for reading.

Pastor Deb Stein